Backseat Mom

Watching my best friend, partner, and man evolve through the one of most fulfilling human experiences you can endeavor upon, is expansive.

There’s a difference in having an opposite gender baby, for me. With Kenz, her very birth propelled me into a deeper understanding of myself as a girl and as a woman. Not seeing her as me was became my work.

To see her as herself not through my own eyes. To let her world form as independently of mine as I could. Even in doing, there was a closeness, disguised in the illusion of familiarity.

In truth they are equally foreign to me. Unique energetic beings with their own journeys.

With Zen, I look at him and the associations aren’t there.

Boyhood is foreign territory. I am the backseat parent. I play my role as mom. Maybe knowing I’m not his developmental role model has allowed me to exhale. I’m still processing. Yet it has already given me so much. It has allowed me to appreciate watching my partner grow into fatherhood, to settle into parts of his spirit formed in his own boyhood, to connect with the wisdom of men before him.

To soak in moments like this. To support my friend. To be neutral with my love.