Unpacking a clear moment of early betrayal and abandonment.
Trusting myself to remain true to myself with the answers.
I learned I can always seek more understanding from others.
Are they choosing to present to me this way or do they just not know they are?
A chance for boundaries or a chance for clarification of my needs.
“Lean not into your own understanding”.
A complex level of healing for someone that had insecure attachment.
Understanding best comes when you’re calm and you can be trusting.
Anxious people are the opposite of calm because they are terrified.
Terrified they’ll be abandoned, betrayed, hurt. Terrified they don’t understand and will be left to fiend for themselves, once again. That’s what trauma does. Reminds you of that first moment in childhood were you were you had to understand/handle/accept more than you could, even at your best.
You’re outer child panics and acts out trying to protect you.
You’re lashing out, you’re second guessing yourself, you’re looking outside yourself for comfort, for validation, for signs and signals that you can take to your inner child.
The inner child, that just wants to know they’ll be taken care of.
As an integrated adult, I can sooth the inner child. Settle the outer. And be calm.
I can trust myself.
I can also celebrate myself, this was my third day loving myself up with weights, sweat, and @mulatto empowerment music.